Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
