I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
