My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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