He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
