spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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