I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
so much tequila, so little girl.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
