I cannot find my penis.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
