my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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