Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
