and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
