I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
