bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
