this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
