he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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