I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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