i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
