our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
