Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
