My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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