Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
