i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
