There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
