I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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