Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
