Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
