me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
do nipples grow back?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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