There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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