I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
