I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
