Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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