and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
