it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
