i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
