Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
