Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize