Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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