i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
