I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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