I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
