as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
