Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
