living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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