I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
