I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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