I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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