Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
