I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize