sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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