WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
