You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize