Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
