My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
