I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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