what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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