Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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