Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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