me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
