Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
