You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
