how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
