he wants to bone in the snuggie
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
