hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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