dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
