i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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