I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
