Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
