I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
