things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
